Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day or Saint Valentine’s Day is a holiday celebrated on February 14 around the world. On this day, lovers express their feelings to each other by sending cards or presenting flowers or confectionery. It is believed that this day originated from Saint Valentine, who was a Roman and was martyred on February 14, 269 A. D. for refusing to give up Christianity. He left his friend, the jailer’s daughter, a farewell note, which was signed “From Your Valentine.” Gradually, February 14 became the day of exchanging love messages such as poems and small gifts such as flowers and chocolate.

Japanese Valentine’s Day
Japanese people are experts at importing foreign cultures and adapting them into something unique to their own. Valentine’s Day is no exception. In Japan, Valentine’s Day means that women give men chocolate. This is a day of great opportunity for shy Japanese women to express their feelings. However, do not get overly excited just because you received chocolate from Japanese girls. Yours may be giri-choco (obligation chocolate) purchased for male friends, classmates, bosses, and colleagues with no romantic feeling of attachment. Girls pass on giri-choco to all men close to them for friendship or gratitude. The concept of obligation is infiltrated into every aspect of their daily etiquette in Japan. They do not like to owe favors to anyone; therefore, they feel obligated to return something back if someone does them a favor. In the Japanese society, cards do not do enough justice so that sending Valentine’s cards is not common, just as sending a sympathy card without condolence money is not sincere enough. It is not the thought that counts, but it is the money or item that counts more in Japan.

Some years ago, I was showing my class a videotaped Japanese show called “Japan Prime Time.” There was an advertisement for Valentine’s Day in it. A cute girl about 7 or 8 years old is buying chocolate for her male friends by announcing loud, “This is for Satoshi.” “This is for Akira.” “This is for Nobutaka. . .” Then, a chubby dull-looking boy comes up behind her and reminds her of his existence. Every time she calls someone else’s name, he says, “My name is Yoshihiko.” This goes on for a while but his name does not seem to be on her list. The poor boy finally looks down and walks away, feeling rejected. My students and I all laughed about this ad, but this custom is actually cruel. The truth is that the men/boys who do not receive any chocolate on Valentine’s Day are certainly embarrassed. I hear some mothers buy chocolate for their own boys in order to spare them from rejection and embarrassment. This advertisement reminds me of the sad side of Homecoming and Prom fiasco in American high schools. If you are popular and are nominated to be a king/queen, or if you are asked to go to these parties, the life is heavenly for them. However, have you ever thought of the kids who do not get to participate in these festivities because they are unpopular and not chosen? The scar derived from unpopularity or rejection may stay with them for the rest of their lives.

The second kind of chocolate is honmei-choco (truelove chocolate). It can be store bought or home made. Before the Valentine’s Day, department stores dedicate a whole floor for a wide variety of chocolate from all over the world. People can purchase any chocolate they want. It is a sublime time for chocolate lovers. On the other hand, some women insist that it is not true love unless they make their own chocolate; therefore, they slave themselves in the kitchen to make special chocolate for their special someone. Some women may prefer to knit a sweater or a scarf. Their creativity for their loved-ones is unlimited.

For this special day, a typical woman may buy 20-30 boxes of inexpensive giri-choco to pass around the office and one expensive box of honmei-choco and another gift such as a necktie or a hand-knitted muffler or sweater for her special person. I hear some celebrities receive a truckload of chocolate delivered to their homes on this day. I wonder what they do with all the chocolate.

The story of the Japanese Valentine’s Day is not over yet. Men should not relax and feel giddy just because they received giri-choco or honmei-choco. Japanese confectionery companies took advantage of their feelings of obligation and created “White Day” for these dreaming men. In 1960s, a marshmallow manufacturing company initiated White Day celebration as a marketing tool. You can guess that the white marshmallows gave the day its name. The obligatory deal of White Day is that the men who received chocolate or gifts from women are supposed to return gifts of chocolate on March 14, exactly one month after February 14. The color of the chocolate is generally white as the name suggests. On this day, men give flowers, accessories, sexy underwear along with white chocolate. It is said that men spend more money on March 14 than women did on February 14. I am sure some men “accidentally” forget about the White Day obligation by blaming their convenient slip on their memory, but the candy and flower industries make sure to keep up with their rigorous advertising campaign until March 14 is successfully over.

I have another twist to this day. My memory may be fading but I remember Valentine’s Day slightly differently from what I have told so far. I agree that the Japanese Valentine’s Day is definitely the day for girls to express their feelings. In my high school days, we did not have names such as giri-choco or honmei-choco. A girl gave a boy white chocolate for friendship and brown chocolate for love. Then, on one Valentine’s Day, a boy handed me brown chocolate, but he did not say anything. I looked back at him and walked away with the brown chocolate in my hand. What was he thinking about? This was not a day for boys’ confession . . .

Just before I started writing about this topic, I called my sister in Japan and confirmed some of the current information on Valentine’s Day. When I asked about the colors of chocolate, she said that the color did not matter much, and most people purchased brown chocolate since it was readily available but it was harder to find white ones. Although she is six years older than I am, she did not remember the white/brown controversy when I thought it was vital during my teen-age years. Now, I am really confused. Did that boy give me the brown chocolate because he could not find the white one? Was it for friendship after all, not for puppy love?

American Valentine’s Day
American Valentine’s Day is not as complicated as the Japanese counterpart is, though it is just as commercialized. This is the day when people express their love for each other by sending or presenting Valentine’s cards, flowers, chocolate, jewelry, pink or red stuffed animals, neckties/boxer shorts with hearts all over, sexy sleepwear, etc. Many couples become engaged or married on this day because it is SO romantic. There are red hearts and winged Cupids everywhere! Restaurants are filled with couples in love, and a reservation is absolutely necessary if you want to have a romantic dinner without a 2-hour wait. The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that one billion valentine cards are sent worldwide each year, and this day is the second largest card-sending day behind Christmas.

American Valentine’s Day is gentler than the Japanese one is. Ever since children are in preschool or kindergarten, teachers make sure that every student is included in this festivity. Teachers send home the list of the names of classmates a couple of weeks before the Valentine’s Day. Parents purchase a box of Valentine’s cards that is inexpensive and contains 20-30 small cards from their neighborhood card shop or drug store. Depending on the children’s age, they must write each name (and a message if they are older) of all of their classmates on the cards and take them back to school. Some children may tape a small piece of chocolate or candy on each card. Teachers keep reminding the students of the Valentine’s cards because they do not want someone to forget about this important day. Surprisingly, every student seems to remember to bring back the cards for Valentine’s Day, though they often forget about permission slips and money for field trips. Another preparatory activity for this day is to make a container to hold 20-30 cards from all the classmates. Some teachers may request students to bring a shoebox or a brown lunch bag, and others may create their own out of construction paper and crayons. At the end of the day of Valentine’s Day, there is usually a big party with games, cookies, cupcakes, chocolate, and drinks with Room Moms in the classroom. The best part of the whole day is everybody lines up in an orderly manner and gives each other Valentine’s cards. It does not matter whether the child is popular or unpopular, cute or ugly, thin or chubby, rich or poor. Every kid receives Valentine’s cards from the whole class and he/she takes a bagful of cards home as if it is his/her treasure. I believe that this custom is universal all over the U.S. This is the way the Valentine’s Day is celebrated preschool through the end of elementary school.

At our house, Valentine’s Day has been my husband’s service day for the girls. He has been the only male in our household for a long time. Poor guy! He brought home flowers for me and flowers for our three daughters as long as I can remember. Now all of our daughters have grown up and left our home for Chicago. Thank goodness, our favorite son-in-law seems to have taken my husband’s role. Our oldest daughter is married and has almost 4-year-old identical twin girls. Our two younger daughters visit her family frequently. On Valentine’s Day of 2008, my husband took me out to a restaurant for a romantic dinner. I gave a music card to my husband and two younger daughters. We gave our twin granddaughters stuffed animals and cards. My son-in-law gave his wife an orchid and a gift certificate for a facial at her salon. He bought his twin daughters a bunch of tulips each. He also gave our two younger daughters a make-up set each. When I found out about the gifts, I thanked him. He nodded and gave a knowing smile back to me. He seems to understand that girls rule in our family. He is a nice guy and he is fitting in wonderfully.