Apology

Japanese Apology
The apology expressions are as abundant as the gratitude words. They are gomen, gomen’nasai, doomo gomen’nasai, shitsurei, shitsurei shimashita, sumimasen, doomo sumimasen.

The Japanese people are famous for apologizing. You will often see them bowing and apologizing on the street, in the stores, at the railway stations, at home, and everywhere. As you notice, the expression sumimasen appeared in both gratitude and apology sections above, and it is not a mistake. Sumimasen or Doomo sumimasen is a convenient expression that can mean ‘thank you,’ ‘sorry,’ or ‘excuse me.’ When you are not sure which expression to use, it is safe to use sumimasen, which covers a wide variety of situations. This type of expression was born in order to keep ‘harmony’ in the Japanese feudal society long ago so that people can live harmoniously without offending each other. In those days, arrogant and powerful warriors called samurai had a privilege to kill commoners with a sword whenever and wherever they wanted for a silliest reason such as an improper length and height of their bow. People lived in fear of samurai; consequently, making them submissive and obedient. Even today, Japanese often worry whether what they said or did was appropriate, or whether they accidentally offended others in some way, so they often apologize in advance, during, and after their conversation; therefore, they feel they are protected against their unintended rudeness.

I admit that I am more tired and stressed after I spend some time with Japanese people than with Americans. How could this be? I should be used to the Japanese etiquette and be comfortable with the system since I was born and raised in Japan. According to Boye De Mente who is an acknowledged authority on the Orient and is an author of more than thirty books, Japanese etiquette originates in the native religion called Shinto and samurai code called Bushido. Shinto (the way of the gods) is the native religion of Japan and as old as its history. In the Shinto religion, people worship nature, their ancestors, and national heroes, and believe that innumerable spirits and gods surround their world. Over time, they have developed a respectful attitude toward the seen as well as the unseen. Shinto has been deeply rooted in the Japanese people and traditions for a couple of thousand years.

Bushido (the way of the warrior) is a Japanese code of conduct and the way of life, loosely similar to the European concept of chivalry. It originates from the samurai moral code and emphasizes dedication, loyalty, martial arts mastery, frugality, and honor unto death. Samurai were members of powerful military class during the feudal era (1192-1868) in Japan, and they became one of the most fearsome warriors in the world. Their intensive discipline on their lifestyle and their exquisitely choreographed etiquette based on Zen Buddhism made them the role model for all Japan to this day.

Now you know why I feel stressed being around the Japanese people. Having been born with Shinto and Bushido deeply imbedded in my body and soul, I have no other choice but behave properly in a well-choreographed manner when I am with the Japanese people. I have every right to be tired.

American Apology
The American people apologize in a different way. They apologize when they think they are physically offensive to others. They say, “Excuse me” when they burp even when nobody can hear it. They apologize when they hiccup, sneeze, blow their nose, and pass gas. (They do not apologize when they cough. Coughing often comes from being ill so that they must feel there is no need for apology. In my opinion, they should apologize more than when they burp for contaminating air with germs.) Sometimes people keep on apologizing because they have to burp three times in a row during a presentation or a meeting. Where has the American rationalism gone? Just apologize once and let that apology cover the rest of the burping, please. After all, too many apologies can get annoying. You do not need to advertise that you are gassy today. The funny phenomenon is that the polite and well-mannered Japanese people do not even think of apologizing for their bodily functions in public. They just ignore, hoping no one heard it.