Gratitude

The expression thank you can be translated into Japanese as doomo, arigatoo, arigatoo gozaimasu, doomo arigatoo gozaimasu, sumimasen, doomo sumimasen depending upon the degree of your appreciation.

In Japan, expressing gratitude is an essential part of the Japanese etiquette system. It is proper to thank people TWICE with a bow for treating you to food/drinks or giving you a gift/assistance. You should thank them on the occasion the first time and should start with an expression of gratitude the next time you meet them. Many years ago, when I was visiting my husband’s family before we got married, we went to his sister’s apartment one evening and hung around. She brought out soft drinks and chips. We sat in her living room and chatted for a while. I thanked her for the beverage, snack, and the good time on the way out. When I saw her again the next day at the parents’ house, I thanked her again as all good Japanese would do. She said, “You already thanked me. You don’t need to thank me again.”

Now after living in this country for many years, I somewhat agree that it seems unnecessary to thank her again the second time. It was only Pepsi and chips after all. It was not as if she had spent all day cooking a fabulous meal for me. It was not a big deal from the rational American’s viewpoint. Nevertheless, why couldn’t she just let me thank her as many times as I wanted? I appreciated her hospitality even if it was not outrageously fancy. Was there any harm of accepting my appreciation twice and simply put up with it? Did she really have to remind me in front of other family members that I had already thanked her the night before and the second-time appreciation was unnecessary? It seemed her reaction was a little too cold for a humble Japanese girl.

To this day, I feel that all people, whether they are Japanese or American, should express and demonstrate gratitude two or three times. After living in this country for many years, I still expect people to start the second meeting from the original favor with a word of appreciation if I have done something nice for them. However, in America, it is common to forget what happened the previous time and to behave as if nothing nice has been done to them. This is American rationalism: It was wonderful of you to do a nice favor, and I thank you for it. Now I have thanked you, and my obligation is over. I am going to move on and never going to mention your favor again. Life is definitely easier in America, and human relationships are less complicated. Japanese keep track of favors and thank-you’s, which can be tiresome. Here in the U.S., you do not need to remember how many times you have thanked people for the favor or you should give them a return gift for the favor you received.

Japanese Thank-You Gifts
Speaking of thank-you gifts, it is customary to give a gift in Japan twice a year, chuugen, a midyear present in midsummer and seibo, a year-end present in early December. Gifts are given generally by inferiors to superiors, for example, from students to teachers, from workers to supervisors, from business owners to customers, or from relatives to relatives in order to thank for the previous favors, to build goodwill, or to maintain good relations. When I was growing up, my parents used to deliver/send gifts to all the teachers of their six children, to the relatives, to the customers of my father’s business twice a year. Popular gifts then were calendar, sugar, vegetable oil, fruit, jam, ham, soap, towels, blankets, whiskey, sake, etc. It is an important social obligation for Japanese to give the right gifts to the right people during these two gift-giving periods. Most department stores nowadays reserve the whole floor for the occasions and they ship gifts to all over the country. While I worked as a Japanese Community Liaison at an elementary school in Michigan for five years, I received average of 50-60 gifts twice a year from the Japanese students. Their gifts such as chocolate, hand lotion, liquid hand soap, notepads, paper napkins, candles, handkerchiefs, etc. were inexpensive ($2-$20), but there were so many that I could have started a small store.